ROAD TRIP!
by Demon32835
Summary: Every ninja in the anime decide to go to America for a HUGE CROSS COUNTRY ROAD TRIP! But they lose the map, gamble away plane tickets, family fortunes, and one extremly disgruntled Shizune, and all hell litterasly breaks loose! DISCONTINUED!
1. Regret

Autors note: Hello all you nice people out there!(Not really but who cares?) I wrote this while I had the biggest Sugar High of my life! And that's saying something. Anyways To explain something before the story starts got the idea for this while I was watching Friends, reading my Naruto manga, and listening to Ruby SoHo on my iPod. So yeah. Anyways this isn't gonna have any real plot to it, it's just gonna be a bunch of randomness. Chapters will get longer, _eventually_.

"Talking"

_'Thinking'_

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**DISCLAIMER:** I DO NOT OWN NARUTO!!!!!

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Chapter One

Regrets

"Ugh." A figure groaned loudly as it clutched its head.

"Ow. Damn. Shit. Fuck." It had the voice of a woman. She had long blonde hair and, even with the covers up to her chin, you could tell she had quite the bust. "Ow. Damn. Shit. Fuck." She recited these words several times before even attempting to get a grasp on her surroundings.

She glanced around the room and noticed she wasn't in her usual office. "Where in the hell am I?" She thought out loud. Then a thought hit her. "Ow. Vacation." Many thoughts raced in her head. _'Cross-country road trip. Vegas. Gambling. Jiraya. Bet. Vodka.'_ She was quite obviously hung over and closed her eyes to try and sleep some more. Suddenly her eyes shot open.

"Ugh." Groaned a figure behind her. She hadn't even registered there was anyone else in the room, let alone lying next to her with its arm wrapped around her waist! _'Huh. And I'm supposed to be Hokage? Man, if Jiraya saw me like this that old lech never let me live it down! Jiraya, I could have sworn something important happened involving Jiraya last night… You're probably just hallucinating again Tsunade.'_

"My head…" The figure had a gruff male voice that Tsunade knew oh-to well.

"OH DEAR GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" She screamed as loud as her hangover would let her.

"Tsunade?" The figure sat up rubbing his eyes. He had spiky white hair and red marks running down his face. "What are you doing in my bed? Not that I'm complaining." Jiraya chuckled at the thought that had entered in his mind.

"OH DEAR GOD NO!!!!!" She yelled louder than last time.

"OW! Could you be any louder?" He clutched his hands to his ears.

"Oh god…" She just sat there, repeating these words for some time.

"Oi! What's wrong?" He asked her leaning down as she was still lying down.

"Jiraya do you remember anything at ALL about last night?" She asked him trying to inch away from him.

"No. Why?" He answered. "Do you?"

"No, well yes. But just two words." She had reached the edge of the bed and fallen over.

"Oi! Tsunade are you okay?" Jiraya asked his friend. He leaned his head over the side and immediately shot backwards with possibly the largest nosebleed he had ever had in his life. For lying on the ground staring up at him with wide eyes was, Tsunade yes, but it was what she was wearing that made him shoot back. Or, rather a _lack_ of what she was wearing.

When _Niagara Falls_(nosebleed style) had finished, Tsunade looked over at Jiraya and saw that his attire was identical to hers. Meaning he was naked as well.

"I do." Tsunade stared at him a while repeating these words until her brain had managed to start working properly, and decided to grab some bed sheets to cover her nude form.

"You do what?" Jiraya asked after recovering from his _little_ nosebleed.

"Not just me, you too." She threw a pillow at him. "And for the love of GOD will you please cover yourself up!"

"Okay…" He grabbed the pillow and shoved it in front of his most private area. "So what do 'we' do?"

"It's what we did!" She yelled at him.

"Tsunade, forgive an old fool, but what are you talking about?!" Jiraya shouted right back at her.

"Jiraya! You honestly don't remember anything?!" She looked at him shocked.

"No, so care to elaborate?" He shook his head.

"WE GOT MARRIED LAST NIGHT YOU MORON!!!!" Tsunade yelled at the imbecile with a pillow in front of his genitals.

"WE WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Jiraya cried.

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A/N: YEAH! So here's my third story. Hope you all like it and if you don't and want to make a not-so-nice comment about you can take the camment and shove it up your $$! For everyone else please R&R:p


	2. Neji, Naruto, Hiashi, Sakura

A/N: HELLO EVERYONE! Here's chapter two! Now don't fret! Chapters 5 and 3 of my other stories will be out soon! Probably tomorrow.**

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Chapter Two

Naruto, Neji, Hiashi, and Sakura

Neji never had a very high tolerance for alcohol, so when he woke up with a pounding headache, no recollection of the night before, in a foreign room, and naked, he knew he had been drunk the night before. As the young Jounin took in his surroundings, he noticed something lying next to him.

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Naruto had always had an unbelievably high tolerance for alcohol, thanks to Kyuubi. But when he woke up with a mild headache, naked, in his hotel room, with blank patches in his memory, he was rather shocked. He stirred a little then decided to take in his surroundings properly. He noticed someone next to him. When he faced the person he was shocked to find Neji of all people in his bed, without his clothes on.

Both males just starred at each other for a while. Then, as if on cue, both of them started screaming as loud, if not louder, as humanly possible. This caused everyone in the hotel to wake up, and alerted to the people nearest to them that they were in danger. Unfortunately the people closest to them happened to be a certain pink haired kunouchi and white-eyed clan leader, who just happened to be in the rooms adjacent to theirs.

"Naruto!" Sakura yelled.

"Neji!" Hiashi exclaimed while still keeping a calm face on. "Open the door!"

"I can't it's locked!" Sakura hissed at him. "Why don't you use your Byakugan to see what's happening?"

"Good idea, glad I thought of it." Hiashi said with an air of superiority.

'_Stuck up prick. I can see why Neji hated him for so long.'_ Sakura's eyes twitched.

As Hiashi looked into the room the yelling ceased. Well, the yelling from inside the room. Hiashi, on the other hand, started screaming bloody murder, and the occasional shriek of **"My eyes! My beautiful eyes! They BURN!"**

Sakura just stared at him at first. Then she started trying to break the door down. When she succeeded she too started screaming. But she regained her composure faster than the still screaming Hiashi. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING NAKED IN THE SAME BED?!"

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto yelled as he looked at her, blushing madly.

"Hiashi-sama! I can explain!" Neji tried.

"Just put some clothes on. In the meantime I will go try and find a decent therapist in this god-forsaken city." Hiashi then walked slowly down the hall and disappeared from view.

"There's a therapist convention in the main lobby father. But why do you need a therapist?" Hinata asked as she came out of her room. She had heard some mild screaming.(her room is sound proof)

"You don't need to know. Just, whatever you do: Don't go to Naruto's room."

"Okay." Hinata started blushing furiously at the thought that had entered her head.

Meanwhile, with Naruto and the others…

"So you two were drunk." Naruto and Neji nodded. They had managed to grab some clothes.

"We must never talk about this again." Neji stated. "Agreed?"

"Agreed!" Naruto and Sakura said simultaneously.

"Now, we shall go out with dignity."

"Please, not that!" Naruto cried.

"Why not?" Sakura gave him a quizzical look.

"I really don't want to think about Neji's _'dignity'_, right now." Naruto shivered.

"Mental pictures!" Sakura yelled as she ran out of the room.

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Next Chapter: Shizune sings! Kiba wakes up in a dumpster! And we find out what happened with everyone else! 


	3. Drinking Contest, Dumpsters, and Rape

A/N: Sorry for the delay! Here's chapter three! Also, a little info beforehadn. Shizune had proper night time atire, as did Ino, Kurenai, and Iruka. Asuma, Kakashi and Shino were all shirtless. The Sand Sibs were sharing a bed.

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**DICSLAIMER:** I DONT OWN NARUTO!!!!

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Chapter Three

Drinking contests, dumpsters, and Rape.

Shizune woke up in a rather luxurious hotel room. She had a mild headache, but nothing major. She remembered the night before almost instantly. Unfortunately she remembered the night before. She was the new headliner for the Midnight Breeze Lounge. Just how did this happen you ask? Well, it all started with a bet. A bet against the only person in the world who seems unable to actually win a bet, her mentor and friend, Tsunade. Shizune sighed. _'Well, at least they have health benefits.'_

She heard Hyuuga Hiashi screaming something about his eyes and burning, Sakura screaming about Naruto, Naked, Bed, and Mental Pictures, and Tsunade screaming about getting married to Jiraya. She laughed a little. She knew what had happened to everyone. Neji and Naruto had gotten into a drinking contest, which Naruto won. Then he got in a drinking contest with the two Sannin, and he won yet again! After this though, he was actually mildly drunk. Then he and Neji proceeded to retire to Naruto's room for the remainder of the evening.

As for Tsunade and Jiraya, after their drinking contest with Naruto, Jiraya lost a bet to Tsunade. Two wins in one night. Nothing good could come from that! The bet was this: _"If I win, you hafta marry me here tonight, but if you win I'll actually pose for your perverted novels!"_ Unfortunately, she ended up doing BOTH of those things.

After she had gotten ready, she proceeded to walk around the hotel, looking for anyone without a hangover. Unfortunately the only beings she found were Akamaru and Tonton. The reason being, they were not aloud into the hotel. She heard some groaning to her left (she was outside now). She looked only to find Inuzuka Kiba in a dumpster wearing green spandex. Next to him were Rock Lee and Mighto Gai.

"I am not even going to ask." She shook her head.

"Gai-sensei!" Tenten yelled.

"Tenten? You're not hung over?" Shizune asked the young kunouchi.

"Nope. I had enough dignity not to stoop to the drinking contest these three had." She glared at the three spandex wearing hung over men. In reality she got kicked out because she refused to check her weapons in at security.

"PLEASE! NO MORE TALK ABOUT DIGNITY!!!" Naruto yelled as he ran around the place.

"Why not? And why are you so freaked out?" Tenten asked him.

"We-well, I, um, ma-may have lost my, um, my vir-virgin-virginity, last ni-night." He stuttered while blushing madly.

"So who was she?" Tenten was eager to know what had happened last night.

"Neji." Naruto said. Tenten then promptly fainted.

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Kurenai woke up in a hotel room, in bed, next to Shino.

"This never happened. Agreed?" She asked her student.

"Agreed." He nodded.

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Asuma did not have such a pleasantly democratic awakening. He woke up in bed, with Iruka, Kakashi, and Ino. Ino and Iruka started yelling rape, Kakashi just went back to sleep.

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Shikamaru and Choji were sharing a room. Shikamaru and Choji had stopped drinking before they got too drunk. They each had a mild hangover, and full recollection of the night before. _They _didn't do anything too outrageous, but when they heard Ino yelling rape in the room next to theirs, they reacted in the way any normal friend would. And by normal the broke the wall between the two rooms and started gaping at the sight before them.

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If Kakashi had just gone back too sleep, then it wouldn't have been a problem, but he started _cuddling _with Asuma who was still in shock. Ino and Iruka stopped yelling rape and started yelling _'Kakashi's a Homo'_! Shikamaru just kinda fainted. Choji turned around and started raiding the mini-bar. Asuma just kinda sat there. Then he started yelling Rape as well! This drew the attention of everyone in the vicinity.

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While everyone was freaking out about their own situations, Gaara, Temari, and Kankuro were sleeping peacefully. That is until Temari and Kankuro woke up and stared at Gaara, and Themselves. Their attire was the same as Naruto, Neji, Tsunade, and Jiraya had been sporting the previous night. They too started yelling, ALOT!!!

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End file.
